TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL NIGHT 3: CAVE GIRL

I'm guessing this is supposed to be high school even though the students are quite clearly in their 30s. Anyways, nerdy misfit Rex constantly being picked on in school, this easily could have turned into some Nerd revenge tale like Revenge of the Nerds/Killer Nerd/Slaughter High, but it's a comedy,... so Rex must be humiliated and like it. And Rex is like a skinnier, less hilarious version of John Candy.

So on a class field trip to a prehistoric cave, Rex stumbles upon some sort of cosmic crystal. At the same time, the military is testing missiles whose explosions cause the cosmic crystal to activate and transport Rex back 25,000 years! . . . and loses his nerd glasses.

Upon arrival and after a long 20 minutes into the movie, Rex finally meets a beautiful cave girl named Eba. So for the next hour, Rex tries everything to get into Eba's pants . . . err loin cloth. And he comes off particularly creepy groping her and trying to spread open her legs.


But of course, there's also a group of very retarded and very unfunny cave men and cave women out to cock block Rex. And their antics drag on, them getting into Rex's shaving cream and playing with it, I swear this went on for 10 straight minutes.

Anyways, after getting separated for 5 minutes, Eba and Rex find each other and celebrate by of course, getting it on. Then some cave cannibals show up and kidnap Eba and the unfunny cave people. Rex must figure out a way to save them. Good thing he had some fireworks in his back pack to scare the cannibals away. Then Rex finds his glasses and retraces his steps and gets transported back to his class field trip.

When no one believes his crazy story of him going back in time and banging a hot chick, he decides he wants to go back and a cave man meets him at the cave entrance, proving him right for everyone to see. He gets back to Eba and lives happily ever after in prehistoric times.

This collection seems to get worse as I continue to watch. Well, if Eba the cave girl wasn't so hot, I probably would have stopped the film halfway through. And this film had 7 sets of 80s juggs, 5 of which you see in the trailer. So if you like comedies and you hate laughing, this is for you.

TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL NIGHT 1: MY TUTOR

So last summer I spotted the ultimate DVD collection for a mere $6.99, the TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL COLLECTION. 12 raunchy teen comedies from the 80s. Yes, 12 movies in one collection. They aren't well known hits, mainly obscure Porky's and Fast Times at Ridgemont High knockoffs. I just had to have it. They are most definitely awful. I decided to dedicate 12 nights to them.


TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL NIGHT 1: MY TUTOR





Just finished this so called gem. So, Bobby is flunking French and the only way he can achieve his father(Kevin McCarthy who was angry old R.J. Fletcher in the Weird Al classic, UHF)'s dream of getting into Yale is if he takes the make-up exam. So his dad hires Terry, the best French Tutor in town, to help Bobby. His dad even tries to bribe Terry into having sex with himself, but for some reason she refuses.

In between French lessons, Bobby and his friends, one of whom... is a pre-Back To The Future "George McFly"(Crispin Glover who is super greasy and has "for real acne" and not fake movie acne), go out on the town and constantly try to "get some".

But of course throughout their French lessons, Bobby and Terry finally break the sexual tension that has quickly built up over the first 15 minutes of the film and Terry teaches Bobby how to be a man. And what 80s comedy isn't complete with a "rich jerk boyfriend" who drives a porche? The rich jerk begs Terry for forgiveness for previously cheating only to end up cheating on her again and being a jerk about it. And he gets his comeuppance by crashing his Porche.

Anyways, Bobby passes the exam and Terry earns a $10k bonus from Bobby's father which makes Bobby accuse her of being a hooker after she decides she wants to go to France(?) without him. Then he stands up to his father, not wanting his dreams of becoming a lawyer, but instead wanting to be an astronomer.

And so they wrap it up rather abruptly in the last 6 minutes with Bobby hooking up with his high school crush and making up with Terry and seeing her off to France.

So this was a pretty shitty film with 6 or 7 different sets of floppy 80s juggs. So . . . Highly recommended!!!